I can honestly say I never claimed to relish in the struggles and joys of true parenting until we went from one child to two, who are two years and ten days apart.
It’s not just that now you have two littles to get dressed, diapers changed, feed, clothes and toys sorted, bathed, consoled etc., but now I find myself playing constant defense to keep the baby SAFE and the toddler validated!
While our daughter Emberly loves to help with her brother Grant by helping feed, console, and play with, she also likes to use him as a human cushion, to jump on and to sit on often.
There is also the part I don’t think anyone could have truly prepared me for- that of sharing my attention and love with our two children.
It’s never been a matter of having enough love for each child because that is innate and comes with being their mom. Instead, I’ve struggled with the reality that I am no longer able to put our toddler daughter to bed every night, read her every story or have infinite amounts of mother- daughter alone time that we had when she was an only child.
I now have to share some of that time and miss out on it when baby brother needs me. While I love this time with our new baby it has been an adjustment sharing my time with two.
Our daughter seems to especially need me when baby brother is fussy, triggered by the fact that she realizes mommy is needed elsewhere and can’t be with her every second.
When her dad puts her to bed kicking and screaming because she is crying and saying she needs momma, I just cry wanting to be there with her and console her, and at the same time feed and console our newborn babe.
But I am only one person.
It would be physically impossible to have the exact relationship with our daughter pre-baby while at the same time, hold, cuddle and play with our baby all day, every day.
Something had to change- which is why I have had such a hard time.
I try to spend one-on-one time with our daughter Emberly when baby brother is sleeping. We take advantage of the time to watch a movie together, play with blocks, color or play outside.
Emberly and I have been taking a mommy and me ballet class once a week. Although her brother is there too it is a time that is about her and makes her feel special.
Likewise I try to have one-on-one time with our baby Grant. When my husband is able to take Emberly on errands or help him outside with chores, I am able to have uninterrupted bonding time with baby.
They both tend to want me at the exact same time and so I often find myself holding a toddler in one arm and a baby in the other, or having them both on my lap while I am nursing Grant.
It has been good for each of the kids to have more time with their dad when I am tending to the other child and can’t give them undivided attention.
The hard part of going from one to two is juggling it all. Safe guarding each of their sleep has proved especially difficult.
Grant usually naps in the morning while Emberly is wide awake, so she likes to talk and play loudly which in turn wakes up baby. I have not been above bribing my child with a popsicle if she whispers and doesn’t wake up baby.
The same goes for when Emberly is napping or trying to fall asleep at bedtime and Grant is cooing and babbling-but his sister is a super light sleeper. Even though he doesn’t understand or can’t be bribed, I still try to shush him like I love that you’re babbling, doing what you’re supposed to and meeting your milestones but… could you quiet down for now to prevent the high energy toddler from awakening.
My “favorite” is in the small confines of a car while road tripping and our baby falls asleep quickly while Emberly will yell, “Baby wake up, wake up!” And she tells me proudly, “momma baby awake!”
Emberly will finally fall asleep after battling it for a few hours and it seems at the exact moment that she closes her eyes that Grant decides it is a good time to wake up, play, and babble. I can just feel my blood pressure rising with every peep. All while thinking to myself, heaven help me.
See, with one child you sometimes have to fight to put them to sleep but that is usually it, no interruptions just beautiful peace and quiet. With two you get to put both kids to sleep on different schedules and pray they don’t wake each other up.
It’s been hard to discipline Emberly when she purposefully kicks Grant, wakes him up or takes his toy but recognize it is necessary to teach her and keep her brother safe.
When it is just me, I have to be creative when they both need something at the same time. When Emberly needs a nap and Grant is awake: we all read books and sing songs together in her bed. When I have to feed Grant while we are in the car in town, I park in a parking lot and let Embers out of her seat while we are stalled for a moment.
Sometimes it is pure chaos when both have pooped in their pants, are both hungry or are both crying and need mom’s comforting touch. I do what I can to meet both of their needs as quickly as possible.
There have been moments that make me cringe and sometimes laugh- like finding Emberly trying to sit on her brothers head, pushing a spoon of baby food into his nose when she meant to reach his mouth, stealing every toy he is trying to play with even if they are his, trying to sit with him in his car seat in the front entryway, or trying to climb in and sit with him in a single stroller.
There have also been so many moments that have made me grateful that I have two kids. Emberly will lift up her shirt and pretend to feed her baby while I am feeding Grant, she will hold his hands whether he is sitting up or lying down and play Ring Around the Rosey with him, they smile at each other like no one else, when baby is crying Emberly will say, “baby we coming” or “it’s ok baby, you’re ok.”
The juggling act of two kids has gotten easier as Grant has gotten older and become more interactive. Therefore I can generally entertain Ember and Grant at the same time. There are still countless moments when both of my kids need me at the same time and I am forced to choose one over the other for a moment.
I have struggled with the idea of wanting more kids, fearing losing even more time with Emberly and Grant. For now I am grateful they have each other as siblings and we are all learning to balance our growing family together.
I would love to hear how you juggle the act of two or more kids at different ages.
I would love to hear what your experience has been going from having an only child to two or more children.
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Disclaimer: All general, life and parenting advice contained herein use at your own risk