Emberly’s potty training journey continues on..

When is the opportune time to potty train your toddler? That is an excellent question, one I am still trying to figure out for my daughter Ember who just turned three.

From the time Emberly was a year and a half, my mom and other family members have been asking and anxiously awaiting when I was going to train her.

I have and still get the comments of “I potty trained my child when they were eighteen months.” or “She is plenty old enough and is ready now.” Ok-first of all, are they even able to articulate telling you they need to go to the bathroom at certain times at that age, can they pull down their own pants, are toddlers that young able to recognize the need to go poop and pee in the toilet instead of a diaper, and does training too early lead to lots of accidents and unnecessary frustration?

I have felt so much guilt over this topic. Friends, family and toddlers younger then Ember in our church have been potty trained for months now and I keep wondering what I am doing wrong.

When Ems was a younger toddler, I dreaded and put off the idea of training her because I didn’t want her to grow up too fast. Diapers were something that still made her my baby- how silly that sounds- and kept her dependent on me.

I haven’t felt the pressure to train her from not wanting to change her diapers anymore or having to buy diapers and wipes but have felt the eye of those around me insinuating that she is old enough and shouldn’t be in diapers anymore.

At 18 months we started trying to get her excited with a Minnie Mouse potty seat, children’s potty training books with her favorite characters like Daniel Tiger, got pull ups and thicker training pants-just dipped our toes in the water trying to get her used to the idea of going in the potty.

She went pee on and off but very sporadically. We realized she might go if she had her own sized potty -one where she didn’t feel like she would fall in and one where she could go the same time we did.

Truth be told, I wasn’t and still don’t feel like I am ready for the mess. It is SOO convenient to have it all caught in a diaper, change my two kids at the same time, not have to worry about accidents on the rug when she forgets to go when she is playing and not having to worry about making extra stops when we are out and about in town and on road trips.

It’s hard to sit and wait while they’re training when you have things to do and a baby who is recently mobile trying to play in the toilet water and bathroom trash.

I started to feel super stressed and worried about Emberly falling behind her friends, especially in ballet class where she needs to be potty trained in the next few months to move up to the preschool class.

I have asked friends when they trained their kids, how the timeline went of training and what things they tried that worked and didn’t work.

Most have said it has been around when their kids turned three or shortly after when the child has wanted to potty train, wanting to be like their friends, doesn’t want a soiled diaper anymore and it all finally clicks.

I feel like time is running out and I don’t want my daughter to still be in diapers in preschool.

A few months ago, my mom came for a visit and I said “In these two weeks you are here, can you please help me start seriously potty training Ems and really buckle down?”

She was amazing, Emberly did amazing. My mom helped me realize that I needed to take her on a schedule to get her used to the routine of going to the potty.

Without fail my mom and I would take her every few hours, read books on the potty, put a sticker on a potty chart, give her an m&m candy as a reward etc. She was going pee 6-8 times a day in the potty. Her diaper was staying dry between voids and after naps. Still she had not pooped in her potty and friends and her pediatrician told me that takes longer, it will come.

For a few weeks we tried to encourage her to go poop in the potty by telling her she would get a BIG treat and present if she did. A few times she would tell us and we wouldn’t take her fast enough to the potty or she would tell us after the fact.

Super encouraging that she was recognizing the urge and not wanting to go in her pants.

A few weeks ago, we were standing in the kitchen and Ems yells “Mom I have to go!”, I ran her to the potty and we sat there and she pooped.

I almost cried I was so excited because I felt like we had reached a huge milestone. Her dad and I jumped for joy, called grandma and grandpa to share the news, took her to get a root beer float, and took a special drive to see Christmas lights trying to make it a big deal and let her know how proud we were.

It’s kind of hilarious what makes us excited as adults and parents!

For some impractical reason I thought this was it, we made it, she wants to go in the potty for good. Since then, she has gone in her diaper and ONLY her diaper and won’t poop in the potty again.

I have been so disheartened, feeling like I have failed. That I haven’t trained her in time and that I am lazy and not doing enough.

Something I did not realize until it happened to Ems was that little girls getting UTI’s (urinary tract infections) can be common during potty training. Anatomy of females and the changing patterns of voiding can increase risk.

The only symptom Ems had was foul smelling urine. No pain, fever, discharge or decreased urine output. I was grateful we got her seen quickly and her pediatrician started her on antibiotics before any pain or discomfort ensued.

Most recently I have gotten a Peppa Pig toy and set it on the fridge as a reminder that she gets it if she goes in the potty like a big girl.

We have sang potty songs, reminded her of gifts she will get if she goes in the potty to no avail.

The past few days I feel like it has turned into a chore for her and she is starting to have resentment towards it. When I would ask if she wants/needs to go she used to say YES and was so excited to get a treat and go potty like a big girl. Now it is like pulling teeth trying to get her to even want to go in the potty.

I feel like I should take a step back because I don’t want her to hate it and have no chance of fully training soon.

We have tried treats, bribery, a potty chart, encouragement related to friends being trained, it being better and more clean to not go in a diaper and a schedule which have all worked at times for her.

I don’t know where to go from here other then go when she wants to go, praise the times she goes and continue to be patient and as she says “I tried mom. I’ll try again.” She will and she will get it hopefully soon.

We have had little successes along the way that of her starting to tell us when she needs to go, her loving her potty and that it is just her size facilitating her going a few times a day, she knows and has gotten into the routine of going potty before bath-time and her getting excited and wanting to wear “big girl pants.”

She is so helpful at getting me the diapers and wipes and unbuckling her diaper for the bath or potty time.

Nothing makes me sprint faster than hearing from the next room “baby don’t touch my poop.” I run into find that Ems has pooped into her diaper yet again.

One of my intents in writing this is to express my failures with potty training and to admit that I am totally winging this parenting thing as most have to. Sometimes people forget that you can think you have it all figured out in one regard, and come in grossly behind in another area. It is so easy to be bogged down by comparing ourselves to other moms and the successes of and steps of their kids.

I need to give myself grace and have patience on this journey with Emberly-this is my first time ever potty training a child. Because after all it is a journey and all kids are different. We as moms needn’t be so hard on ourselves and trust in the timing of potty training so that the experience is a positive one!

I would love to hear what has worked for potty training your kids and your thoughts about trying not to compare to other moms and their successes/failures but letting potty training happen when it does.

Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Disclaimer: Use all general/life/parenting advice contained herein at your own risk.