You’ll notice that in my heading I didn’t name it “Type A Mom” because in my experience it is impossible to be exclusively type A when you’re also a mom.
Motherhood is MESSY!
I have been type A for most of my teen and young adult life and after I had my first child in 2017, the recurring chaos that motherhood can bring contributed to my postpartum depression.
I no longer had complete control over my schedule nor enough time in the day to keep my house as clean as I wanted it. I soon realized something with my type A personality and OCD tendencies would have to change, and it has been a moment to moment battle ever since.
For me, being type A is being anxious, overthinking and wanting order in all things. It is not being able to leave the house if there is a single crumb on the floor or if the remote is off-center on the coffee table. It means overthinking every action I take as a mom…
Am I reading his feeding cues right or are people going to judge me for what they think is feeding him too often? Are people going to get upset if I can’t settle my baby in public quickly? How can I keep my house squeaky clean while letting my husband and daughter build a pillow fort without wanting to fix the pillows simultaneously?
I have had struggles with letting my daughter have free play, spreading all her toys out on the living room rug, and not cringing when she wants to play with bubbles and they get on my hands, her clothes and our kitchen floor.
It is hard making it to appointments on time when your toddler poops as you are walking out the door, and soon thereafter your infant is crying because he wants to eat again. Somedays I say it is just easier to stay home as to not upset the receptionist at the doctor office for being 30 minutes late AGAIN.
I want to share a few things I have done to try and reign in my type A behavior so as to be a happy mom in most moments and enjoy my littles growing up.
- Make to-do lists everyday- but with only a FEW items.
Soon after having my daughter I had to seek professional counseling because the realization hit hard that my schedule and house would not always be in order with a newborn, not even a little bit. That lead to some serious postpartum depression, as crazy as that may sound. One thing she told me to do was make a to-do list everyday with only 1 thing on it to begin with and to add subsequent items as my schedule allowed. The action of being able to cross off even one item on my to-do list helped my anxiety and helped me feel fulfilled and accomplished. - Let the room or space be messy- at least for a time.
I have tried to learn to be present and let my daughter mess up a room playing because I know she is learning and having fun. Most of the time I instead follow her around trying to clean up the mess she is making or organize the mess as she is playing.. I know, sounds pathetic. I try not to clean up til nap time, bedtime or even the next day- but only once a day. - Thought blocking/redirecting.
Even though some messes make me grit my teeth and my toes curl, I try to stop thoughts that come to my mind such as “this is messy you have to clean it right now.” Instead train your mind that it can wait and enjoy the moment- your kids are growing quickly and who knows how many moments you will have like this one.
Let’s be honest.
I am terrible at the aforementioned suggestions.
Given the choice, I would literally rather clean up a mess before I sit down and fully enjoy holding my child. I have cried on so many occasions wondering why I’m not more concerned with holding my baby for those sweet snuggles that go by in a glimpse, or playing with my toddler who will not always want to play blocks with me or count me as her best friend. Rather I ensure the diaper baskets are always full, the laundry basket is empty and all the clothes in my kids’ closets are perfectly folded and organized by color and size.
I know people who have tried to employ the helps of cleaning charts- meaning you only clean certain spaces or perform certain tasks on a designated day of the week.
No.
I can not leave the living room floor not perfectly combed by the vacuum until Thursday…sorry, no.
I clean it all or nothing at all. I can not leave some rooms cleaned while others are unkempt. On my cleaning days that occur usually on days after I have worked my 12 hour shift or I have been out of town I will admit my daughter watches more TV than she should. Thankfully as she has grown, she has enjoyed cleaning and helping me.
Having a little person help clean the house can open a whole other can of worms of cringe-worthy content for a type A.
I have tried to give my daughter jobs that I know will make a minimal additional mess. She helps sort the laundry with me telling her what piles they go into, helps put her toys in the designated drawers or baskets, helps me sweep with her mini broom because she can’t spread around a ton of crumbs with it, and grabs me the dust pan, that way I have time to rush and sweep the floor before she wants to sweep up the contents of the kitchen floor.
It’s obvious my main focus is cleaning and order when I ask my daughter if she wants to play with her doll and dress her up and she says “no momma sweep” and runs and gets our brooms.
However, I try to enjoy and remember these moments because my daughter is enjoying what I enjoy and has the innate nature of a homemaker.
Anything involving a snack given to a toddler results in a crumby mess on my couch and rug, so I generally end up vacuuming my living room floor multiple times a day.. ok, no more than four times a day.
My mind won’t rest long enough to coo and make my baby giggle or watch a movie with my daughter until the mess has been cleaned.
I can’t pick out a pile of books to read with my daughter and not finish them all. A lot of the moments I feel like I am accomplishing things these days are reading kids books cover to cover so as to finish something or while coloring with my daughter on her no mess water color page, ensuring the whole page gets wet so as to mark it complete.
I sometimes feel like I am not a good mom when I am so focused on cleaning, order and am so task oriented and don’t just let things be. I try to remind myself however, that a clean house can bring order.
I wan’t to learn how to balance having a clean home, a to-do list that has items regularly marked complete, and a mind that can rest when there is an imminent mess all while having happy kids who have quality time with their momma.
This topic has an IN PROGRESS note for me.
How do you balance keeping your house clean and your to do list crossed off while being a happy mom who engages her kids?
If anyone has experienced something similar, I would love to chat and bounce ideas back and forth.
Leave your thoughts in the comments.
Disclaimer: Use all general, life and parenting advice contained herein at your own risk.