There are those who like to eat and run and then there are those who like to DINE.
Our sweet baby Emberly was one who wanted to DINE and have a taste here and a sip there. This practice is all fine and dandy until you want to get up and do something…ANYTHING, but your daughter is attached to you all day literally.
Before having Emberly I always planned to breastfeed. My mom had with all three of her kids and had pretty good success. The midwives I was seeing for my prenatal care advocated for it and educated me before giving birth.
My husband and I took a childbirth preparation class that was helpful with giving us ideas for easing birth such as using an exercise ball, using oils or using a water tub etc. Along with this class there was also a breast-feeding basics class that was fairly helpful.
One thought that was mentioned in the breastfeeding class was that a newborn babe has an exquisite sense of smell and if laid skin to skin on their mother’s chest, they will slowly migrate up to the nipple (food source) based on smell. Another phenomena that helps them find mothers breast is the fact that the areola around the nipple grows darker in pregnancy so as to allow them to see it better.
I was fascinated and excited to see this happen after our baby was born. They laid Emberly on my chest and Myron and I were watching her in anticipation when suddenly the nurse grabbed her and put her on my breast and said we just needed to help her a little bit. I was bummed because I wanted Emberly to root and find the nipple on her own like the class we took encouraged/suggested- but not a huge deal.
Thankfully, Emberly latched on easily and was most comfortable on my left side in cradle hold. On my right side I had to use the football hold position often for her to nurse effectively.
I remember going to her three day old doctor appointment and the doctor talking about breastfeeding and saying my milk should be “IN” or it will be in the next few days. I hadn’t thought so and then when I got home I remember thinking, “yep it’s come in because my boobs are twice the size!”
I had a nursing pillow that was helpful when first learning to breastfeed-allowing me to position baby comfortably to nurse.
Those first few weeks we went through a lot of sheet changes… a lot.
Your peak of milk tends to be in the early morning… I would wake up in a milk bath with the sheets and my shirt being soaked.
We initially cared about sleeping on perfectly clean sheets, but after a while it was not worth changing them with all the extra milk spillage and we became adaptable to all the bodily fluids.
When I think of the first few months of nursing Emberly, what comes to mind is NURSING PADS… so many nursing pads from what I think was a plentiful supply of milk.
I used disposable ones because I soaked and went through them so often. The sticky adhesive side would sometimes irritate my skin which made me want to try the cloth reusable ones- but I never did with Emberly.
Emberly would do what I like to call cluster feed. She would eat on and off all day. I often wondered if I was doing something wrong.
I contacted the lactation consultants at our local hospital and they were so helpful. They weighed Emberly, had me feed her so they could watch her latch and then weighed her again to ensure she was effectively feeding. They said she was doing great. I was disheartened feeling like I had no answers of why my baby wanted to eat little bits all day everyday instead of just for set amounts of time.
As a new mom I was overwhelmed by being touched by an infant all day and not being able to do anything else. The first six weeks of nursing her were full of a lot of tears, exhaustion and frustration.
Looking back now I recognize that time was a learning curve for us both. Ember was learning to nurse and was not a fast or efficient eater yet. I remember just sobbing when she would feed for 45 minutes straight and then projectile vomit immediately after. This was most likely related to her sphincter between the esophagus and stomach not being fully developed yet.
I felt like I just spent so much time feeding- and now the contents of it are on mommy and daddy’s bed!
As a first-time mom, I felt pressured when people would be over and want to see the baby but I had to feed her. She was little and I was still new at it and it took time. I would get so overwhelmed and self-conscious thinking of people waiting while she was feeding.
It was around Christmas time and we had gone to a nativity event. We had family with us and everyone was excited. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, Emberly had to eat AGAIN. I spent the night in the mother’s lounge while everyone else was at the event.
Why even go out in public or have people over at all when we constantly felt like we were on a schedule and were not meeting people’s expectations?
Eventually after 6 weeks or so I felt more comfortable nursing and Emberly ate at more set intervals. I learned that people could wait and we weren’t on such a time crunch.
One thing that I did often was wear my daughter in one of my carriers or wraps- that way she could lay on my chest and suckle her binky while I made dinner or started a load of laundry.
I didn’t start a bottle until about 3 months when I went back to work- and she took to it right away. She only used a bottle when I wasn’t present and otherwise solely ate from me.
I also only pumped right before going back to work and only when I was away at work, trying to keep my supply on her natural schedule because pumping can increase your supply. At work I use a Mendela pumping bag. I like the bag option because you keep all attachments, storage bags and lanolin cream in one easy place.
One thing I regret with nursing Emberly is the amount of time I spent on my phone while nursing her. While it would be preposterous to assume that I needed to look at my baby the whole time I nursed, I missed out on so much time that I could have studied her tiny features like her hands and feet and her many expressions.
Nursing was a time out, a time when everything slowed down and I could just enjoy cuddling with my baby but instead spent a lot of that time browsing social media. I remember thinking when I wasn’t nursing anymore that I should have held her more often and I should have studied her more during those quiet times.
When Emberly was 17 months she decided to wean herself cold turkey.
I wanted to try and nurse her until she was at least 2. With how much of a momma’s girl she was, I worried that she would have a hard time weaning. I knew my personality and knew that if I tried to start weaning her and she cried and wouldn’t stop-I would instinctively put her to the breast to console her and we would lose all progress.
By the time she decided to wean she was generally only nursing before nap time and at bedtime. One night at bedtime she was consoled by me singing to her and was fighting wanting to nurse. The next day she was fussy and when I attempted to nurse her, she looked at me like I was crazy!
It was like she had forgotten what they did and that milk came from mommy.
Our breastfeeding journey ended abruptly, she no longer wanted to nurse from me. I wasn’t ready yet and I had a hard time giving up our special time together- especially since she was becoming more mobile and active and didn’t want me to hold her as often.
Through it all I am so GRATEFUL for the time I did have to nurse her. By no means was it seamless. The picture perfect idea of how it was going to go in my head did not come true but considering it all I had a pretty successful breastfeeding journey with my first child. Grateful for Emberly’s and I’s story and that it is ours.
Lastly, there is always the hot topic of whether it is ok to nurse without a cover in public. It is a very personal choice and I know many women who nurse without a cover who love it! In my experience I feel comfortable nursing with other females but not in the company of men that aren’t my husband.
Although it can be harder to nurse with a cover, seen by my babies both being fussy and not eating as long, I tend to cover in public places. Ideally, I find a quiet place where I can nurse openly or in my car with a sunshade up.
I would love to hear how breastfeeding has gone for you and your little ones!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Disclaimer: Use all general, life and parenting advice contained herein at your own risk.