I felt like I had so much to get done in December before we were “ready” for baby Grant to come into the world. There were so many things I wanted to do with Emberly one last time as an only child. I also wanted her birthday party to be special and to have baby come after her birthday. Seeing as it was December there were so many festivities to participate in. We went to the festival of trees, walked down main street to see all the business’s lights and the Christmas village, we went to our ward Christmas party and the last thing we wanted to do was go to Myron’s work Christmas party that happened to be 3 days before our approximate due date of Monday December 16th.
So it is Friday night December 13th and we head to the casino for the party and everyone there jokes and says we didn’t think you were going to be here tonight or oh my you look like you are done being pregnant or ready to pop.
I felt fine considering I was almost 40 weeks pregnant and honestly thought baby Grant would not come until we induced him the following Thursday. I didn’t think he would arrive early or on his due date due to Emberly coming 4 days late and having such a long labor. So we stayed for apps and dinner and sat at a table with his boss and a few others. They started the music and dancing and started the drawing for prizes and we were like do we really want to stay til 9 or 11 to win a prize. We ended up leaving his work party just before 9. We were so tired that night that we both talked about how excited we were about sleeping in Saturday morning and just hanging out with Emberly.
Well little did we know. We got home at 10, went to bed around 1030, I’m laying in bed, sleeping and am awakened because I feel wet and I just feel a dripping and trickling down there and I’m thinking did I wet the bed, am I bleeding etc. I then look in my pajama bottoms and there is a huge spot of clear fluid. I tell Myron I think my water broke, he says loudly and nervously WHAT!?
I try to deny it out of being so nervous about actually having this baby when I don’t feel ready and say maybe it’s just pee and I wet the bed and he said come on Nicole when is the last time you wet the bed. The crazy part is that my water never broke with Ember, they broke it at the hospital to see if it would help speed up labor so mind you I was very surprised my water broke without contractions. I wasn’t having any contractions at all. With Ember my contractions started 4 days before she was born.
So I start getting nervous that we should probably get to the hospital soon because my water broke and I was group B strep positive with this pregnancy. I didn’t want baby to be exposed or get infected. So I call the OB floor almost with a shake in my voice and tell them what happened and they said ok take a shower, gather your things, you don’t need to come in right this second but you don’t want to wait too long. I was so scared to leave our house because I knew we would be coming home with a new addition and I was terrified to leave Emberly because I wasn’t ready to not have it just be her and us anymore. I was scared she would wake up and be afraid we weren’t there. She was in good hands though because her Gram was there and Myron’s parents were on their way down as well.
So we get to the emergency room and all the nurses and techs are floored like you don’t look like your going to have a baby and that your water broke and I’m thinking this time around it is a lot different because I am not having painful contractions trying to talk to people and get checked in.
The lady behind me was having contractions and had a much similar experience to my check in process with Ember. So even though I felt fine and I am big, they made me ride in a wheelchair up to the OB floor. Once upstairs they weighed me, I was able to talk easily checking in without having to breathe through painful contractions. They got me into a room and we waited a while because it turns out they were super busy that night.
An older nurse came in and hooked me up to the baby monitor and said that sometimes it is the change in the weather that can cause your water to break spontaneously. Then the OB manager was able to check us in and do the history and the technical things. She said we were waiting for the Dr to arrive because she had been called in on another patient and then we would start an IV and get orders.
I asked her lots of questions about labor and she said not to be afraid of using an epidural, sometimes it just helps with that last little bit to get baby here. She said to breathe through my contractions and not fight against them. I still wasn’t really having any contractions following my water breaking. She let us rest for a while which was nice, Myron was totally crashed on the chair next to me.
The Dr then came in to talk to us which I loved because she was so down to earth throughout the pregnancy and talked to me as an equal like when she asked if I wanted to be induced or wait for natural labor and do my own group B strep test. She came and sat next to me and we both discussed not wanting to wait too long to start Pitocin so that my water hadn’t been broken so long that it would end in a C-section due to risk of infection for baby.
We decided together to start Pitocin and an antibiotic and not wait for contractions to be begin spontaneously. The lights were dimmed in the room and the Dr was wearing glasses, a colorful headband and scrubs.
The nurse came in and started my IV and I try to be a good patient being a nurse but sometimes I can be bossy. The nurse did a cervix check and I was still only at 2 cm and effaced like 50% which is what I was on the previous Wednesday when the doctor checked me at the office.
I had to be hooked up to the baby monitor for the whole time because of the Pitocin. The nurse was in and out frequently turning up the medication and adjusting the monitor so that we could hear baby’s heart beating.
We decided to go for a walk around the unit to try and dilate and speed up labor. I saw one of the nurses I work with while we were walking around and she said best of luck with everything. I didn’t want to wear a hospital gown around so I changed into my sweatpants and t shirt and wore it over the monitor. We walked up and down the halls of the OB floor. We couldn’t go too far though or the monitor wouldn’t pick up. My contractions were not that frequent or strong yet. I was able to walk fairly easy. I remember trying to walk around the halls when I had Emberly trying to dilate and I had to stop frequently to let strong contractions take their course. I was grateful I wasn’t having a lot of contractions or strong ones in the hall because I hate people watching me experience pain.
The next while was just trying to change positions and work through my contractions. We told my mom we wanted her in there but that we wanted to wait til I was closer to pushing and him getting here due to the nature of my first birth and how long I had contractions. I rolled on the exercise ball a ton trying to cause my cervix to dilate and open up my pelvis for baby to come out. It was one of the few positions where I found relief especially since now with the Pitocin turned up along with I’m sure some natural contractions, the contractions were strong and more frequent.
We used an app on Myron’s phone to time each of my contractions. The nurse said as you get closer to labor contractions come closer together and are more intense. It was a way to work through my contractions.
This time I also used lavender essential oil when I experienced each contraction to try and relax and I really think it helped. When a contraction would start Myron would put the bottle under my nose to help me breathe it in and when he wasn’t there it sat in a pocket on my chest. I was still well enough to drink ice water, cranberry juice and have conversations and send some texts between contractions.
My contractions were still primarily in my back so I thought baby was probably sunny side up. The lactation consultant came in and discussed some things and said they probably wouldn’t be there when baby was born which made me bummed because I was so nervous about breastfeeding even though I had done it before, it is crazy how much you forget in 2 years such as newborn cues. We worked on paperwork for baby’s birth certificate and listened to Frank Sinatra holiday music. I set up my LED candles to help with the environment. I leaned against the back of the bed rocking trying to get baby to change positions.
The Dr decided to do an ultrasound because I was having contractions in my back and during my previous birth Ember came out faced up. The Dr. said he was half way turned and was primarily faced up. She checked my cervix and said I was still only dilating at like a 2, thinned and that baby’s head was still very high up.
I felt like I was already tired from the dang contractions in my back, that I was hypoglycemic from not eating and stressed about time frame for Myron, his parents and my mom all waiting for baby to arrive.
I was also stressed about being group B strep positive and my water having broken and risking C-section. I think stress and fatigue were hindering me from dilating, and from baby coming down. Myron was mildly impatient this time like ok lets work through these contractions so we can have a baby by lunch.
His parents dropped my mom off and she waited in the waiting room for a little while just trying to wait for the pushing part of birth to be more imminent. They had Emberly and were hanging out in town and went to the children’s museum.
For the most part Myron helped me through each contraction and taught me to breathe and embrace the pain and not fight against it. I got in the jacuzzi tub and I was so discouraged and tired and faint as the contractions were getting more frequent and more intense. I had to keep the baby monitor on in the bath and I kept my bra on. Myron went downstairs to grab lunch. My mom came in at that point and my mom really came through for me at that moment. She was the calm one and tried to reassure me, rub my back and tell me I could do this and I was made to do this. I told my mom that I felt discouraged because I thought I had made more progress than that of baby still being high up. I told her I would feel like a failure if I got an epidural because I was able to make it through all the pain and lengthiness of Emberly’s birth without one. So many I knew like Heidi and my aunt Julianna had their babies without epidurals. My mom was actually surprised and was like wait your doing this without an epidural!?
I sat in the bath with the jets for a little while longer and then the nurse came in. She has noticed epidurals help things progress easier. She said she could call anesthesia and they would be up really quickly. She said once I got the epidural I wouldn’t be able to get up and walk around.
The anesthesiologist came up and Myron came back up around the same time. Myron seemed surprised but supportive that I wanted to get an epidural. I had to sit on the bed naked facing Myron who needed to hold me in a still position. The nurse was setting up medication and fluids. The anesthesiologist was prepping my back for the procedure, while the bed was flat and raised.
The first time he attempted the puncture in my back it sent a shooting pain and sensation down my legs causing my legs to jerk from surprise because he didn’t prepare me and so he poked through my dural space. He poked again and while he did this he was explaining that since he poked through that space it can cause a spinal fluid leak and therefore a spinal headache. He said if I got a headache later that evening that he would come and do a blood patch. He finally got the epidural and the medication started infusing.
The nurse then put in a foley. Made me think of when I had Emberly and they said if I didn’t get up and pee within 6-8 hrs they would have to put a foley in and I made a disgusted and scared look and everyone in my family laughed. It felt numb down there. I was able to relax and not feel the contractions.
I was trying to stay calm and relax but my mom kept talking, but for the most part was super grateful to have her there for the love and support. It seemed so quick after that like within an hour that I kept feeling like I had to poop and I seriously needed to get up. The nurses brought in all their equipment and the Dr said I was dilated to a 9 and that the epidural had helped me dilate the rest of the way and that the feeling was baby’s head. She said it was time to push.
I was starting to get nervous and tired again when they put my legs up in stir-ups and seriously felt like I needed to get off the table and go poop. The doctor and nurse said I was so far along that they couldn’t leave the room or the baby would end up falling out on the bed. Well when your pushing you don’t feel like your making any progress. They kept telling me I can see the baby’s head and its crowning and we can see hair.
From pain I again hated having my legs open in that position with the pressure of the baby’s head and kept insisting on getting up. Myron tried to be stern with me which wasn’t that effective because I was so afraid of the pressure. The Dr got firm with me and said Nicole you are a nurse, you have had an epidural and you know the risks and side effects and can not get up and walk around.
I kept saying please just cut me and do an episiotomy and she said you don’t need one, you don’t want one. I remember saying it repeatedly that this baby was not coming out unless you cut me. The last thing I remember is laying back on the bed saying I have no more strength or pushes to give and somehow I did push the baby out without an episiotomy.
The Dr said the baby came out face down the right way so all of my walking, rocking and position changes helped turn baby around. They said he had a 14 inch head and he was big so good job and no wonder he was hard to push out!
They laid him on my chest. Birth is such an intense and tiring time that it seemed surreal when he was finally put on my bare chest. He was born at 3:38 pm. He was pretty sleepy unlike Emberly who was wide awake the first few hours of life.
It was pretty uncomfortable when she had me birth the placenta but I tried to focus on Grant. She said there was minimal tearing, only superficial tears on my labia which was good news and surprising considering how big he was. The Dr said she was super pleased with how the labor went. She said she honestly thought it was going to end in a C-section due to my water breaking without contractions and us having to augment labor.
We could tell he was bigger than Ember but wanted to wait until Myron’s parents and Emberly got there to weigh baby and assess him. Grant latched right on to nurse and was a very efficient eater from the start. Myron was able to cut the umbilical cord which I love because it makes him feel like he is apart of it all.
Once family got there, Myron brought Ember in and she was even more excited than I could of hoped. She was shy and smiling and said high momma. She got up on the bed and wanted to sit right by me and baby Grant pretty much the whole time she was there. I didn’t mind. She missed her momma and I her. She was fascinated with baby brother and wanted to touch his toes and face.
My mom was so sweet and brought Emberly a little present that of a plush Olaf toy to give to her so that she felt special when baby was born.
Once everyone got there they weighed him and he weighed 8 lbs 15 oz just 1 oz shy of 9 lbs and 21 inches long. He got his hepatitis B vaccine, vitamin K, eye drops and the nurse listened and did a head to toe assessment. The nurse let Emberly use the stethoscope and listen to baby.
The nurse said he was a large for gestational age baby so they would need to check his glucose levels periodically for the first 24 hrs. They realized later that was all in vain and he was on the borderline of large for gestational age.
I was able to get up much faster and easier to the bathroom without help compared to when I had the episiotomy with Ember. As they were taking vitals, cleaning up baby, sewing some small tears, I remember apologizing to every one over and over because I felt so bad that I kept being difficult wanting to get up and off the table, not being able to push and wanting an episiotomy etc. They all said it was ok. I should of just had more endurance and done what my body is made to do. I wonder if I was thinner and in better shape athletically if labor would have gone more smoothly and if I would of had more strength to keep pushing.
I was so hungry after labor. Myron’s parents ordered 3 rivers brewery. Later in the evening family all went home and I started getting a headache even when lying down, eating chocolate for caffeine or using an ice pack. They called anesthesiology and they came up to do a blood patch. The nurses drew a blood sample and then the anesthesiologist put a catheter through the same hole as the epidural to try and seal up the leak. He said it should feel better within a few hours.
That night it was hard to sleep as I was so excited and wide awake after giving birth. Grant laid in a bassinet in between Myron and I.
The next day my mom, Myron’s parents and Emberly came back in and seriously oh my heart when Emberly came in carrying her little baby doll in her carrier all proud I thought I would melt. We loved having her there and Myron and his dad went and got sandwiches and sides at Safeway for lunch. Ember just sat by me eating her snacks and playing with her toys. Grant continued to snuggle and nurse. I tried to wear my robe so that we could have as much skin to skin time as possible.
The pediatrician then came in to check and assess Grant and he was really nice and helpful. They did his hearing test. We watched the baby care video. We were kind of bummed because I wanted Myron to give his first bath because he did with Ember and again it makes him feel like he is helping and a part of it all. Well the nurse who delivered Emberly and kept calling her little sister the whole labor and it bothered us so much but ended up being one of Emberly’s nicknames, she came in and just took charge and said I hear little man needs a bath.
She got his bassinet and warmer ready and talked to us, we reminded her that she helped deliver Emberly. She said he was so cute and chunky and reminded her of her babies as opposed to the generally tiny babies she had seen born lately. Later I was up and around able to shower and get ready and put make up on, I felt like I had more energy and wasn’t as sore as I was with Ember.
The anesthesiologist came in and asked to make sure the headache was gone and at that point it was. The Dr came in and said everything looked good and said she loved delivering Grant and as doctors they have their favorites too and that we would see her at the 6 week follow up appointment.
Now was the waiting game for the 24 hr newborn check. Myron cuddled with baby Grant in the sleeper chair while I got ready and packed some of our stuff up. The nurse we had was really good and came in and explained the new baby teaching about signs/symptoms, normal baby poop and pee and nursing etc. When it was finally time she came in and we took some pictures of Grant in the stocking and hat they gave us and in his bear swaddle blanket I had ordered.
She did testing such as blood glucose check, the heal prick checking for certain medical disorders, checked vital signs, checked his weight, and his bilirubin level. All checked out normal. We packed him up and put all of our stuff on a cart. He looked tiny in the car seat even though he was a larger baby. The newborn phase just dwindles so quickly. We walked downstairs and Myron went to pull the car around. We headed home and it had been snowing most of the day which was whismical.
When we got home our Christmas tree was lit up and everything was Christmasy and magic. Emberly was still napping so I got to go up and get her and she was happy to see momma. Barbi and Steve wanted to hold little man and I was mildly leery because Steve had been sick but wore a mask nonetheless and I knew how important it was for his grandparents to hold him.
Kerry came down and was so sweet and had some presents for Emberly and gave her a singing Peppa Pig book and some Peppa Pig clothing. Kerry held Grant for a while and then took my mom to her house so we could try to figure out our new routine and normal. We ate leftovers from the fridge and some of the fruit and nut basket the hospital gives you when you have a baby.
Unfortunately the first week or so after Grant was born I had a spinal headache from the epidural. I wasn’t able to lift my head above lying, to change Grant, eat or go to the bathroom without crying from pain and needing to lie back down. On Monday December 16th it was bad and I thought I needed to go back in for a blood patch.
I called the OB manager to ask what I should do and she said she personally had to go in to the ER for several blood patches before it resloved when she had her children. On Monday night we went to the ER and I remember not being able to sit up in a chair or in the car it hurt so bad and needed to lie down til they called me back. The sweet nurses in the ER recognized me as a nurse who worked on Pediatrics. I was terrified to bring Emberly and Grant in to the ER with the Flu and RSV but they had to bring Grant in so I could nurse him. Luckily I was already in an exam room so Myron was able to carry Emberly and bring Grant in his car seat. I fed Grant and Myron took them back out.
They started an IV and drew blood and then the nurse anesthetist came in and went through a preivous hole in my back from the epidural and started to infuse my blood. It was scary because as he was infusing the blood I felt an intesne pressure in my back and legs and a numbing feeling. I was almost yelling out in pain from the blood being infused. I honestly feared that there was going to be some nerve damage and possible paralysis. The blood patch didn’t take and I continued to have the headache.
We went in for Grant’s three day check up and I felt so helpless that I couldn’t even sit up in the waiting room without needing to lie down. I couldn’t talk to the doctor without instantly needing to lie down. I wanted to be awake and alert and be functioning enough to talk to the doctor and play with Emberly. My will for life was honestly fading as I couldn’t play with my daughter, eat dinner with my family or even complete basic day to day tasks.
I read online that spinal headaches could last for 6-8 weeks and I just cried. I was at my lowest point when my amazingly sweet, pure and joyous Emberly came and sat on my knees on the bed and we sang primary songs together. I remember thinking this is why I will keep going even if I can’t sit up, because of my sweet wonderful children.
There was so much service that came to us at this time that of visits from sisters in the church, delicious home cooked meals brought to us the first few days after returning home from the hospital, an adorable ABC potted rose plant with a teddy bear from Myron’s work, gifts from neighbors and friends, texts and calls asking what they could do. My sweet dad had my cousin Brinley and my aunt Stephanie reach out to send a positive word.
One night when I was feeling so helpless, my daughter was bored from me being bed bound and Myron being sick, we had no clean laundry and the house had exploded, my sweet aunt Kerry and mom came down to our house with dinner and did the laundry and played with Emberly.
My sweet husband gave me a priesthood blessing and I was able to get in touch with my OB/GYN who suggested taking two extra strength Tylenol and a caffiene tablet which gave me enough relief to start getting up for extended periods. My headache did in fact end after a few weeks.
Looking back I wouldn’t have changed my birth story with Grant. After knowing the spinal headache ended I would get an epidural again with a subsequent baby. The epidural allowed for me to have my baby naturally and avoid a possible C-section and or an episiotomy.
Myron had eight glorious weeks off of work, the longest consecutive time he will probably ever have with the littles. We were then able to focus on our wonderful time with our sweet baby Grant and our loving daughter Emberly.