Have you ever had someone say “you’re so lucky being a stay-at-home parent, you get to just hang out with your kids all day!” Am I though? Am I lucky, or is being a stay-at-home 24/7 mom really hard?
Some may think you have a seamless, piece of cake job because they perceive you get to just lounge around at home and hang out with your children.
Yeah, no.
I am literally a maid, a cook, a teacher, a friend, a jungle gym, a scheduler, a chauffeur and a breastfeeding mom- to name a few titles.
I never knew I was a parent until having two kids and shuffling feedings, naps, attention and love.
Your shift for the day begins when they wake up and does not “END” until you hear beautiful silence at the end of the day and know they are safe in their beds.
You are at their beck and call in charge of meals, entertaining, clean up, teaching and comforting on a whim.
I’m lucky if I can go to the bathroom, shower and consciously breath between the above tasks (my Apple watch has to remind me to breathe often).
Last year I decided to go PRN at work, which means as needed. I work a minimum of once a month. My son Grant is a momma’s boy and struggled having others watch him. After my three month maternity leave, my kids were watched by someone in our church.
Grant only went to her on a few visits because COVID happened. It was a push for me to decide that I wanted to take a step back at work and be with my kids at home the majority of the time.
I wouldn’t take back that decision for the world!
My kids thrive being at home and having momma around them all day.
It doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.
I struggle daily with my purpose and miss feeling fulfilled like those who work a job outside of the home.
When I work my shift(s) as a nurse I COMPLETE tasks. When I give a medication, drop an NG tube and finish charting for the day, I am done and feel fulfilled that I have seen something to its finish.
However, being a stay at home mom there isn’t a whole lot I see to its finish. A lot of tasks and to do’s stay “pending” and occur daily, but never get completed.
i.e. You can clean the house since it’s on your to do list- but it’s an on going item that you get to do after every meal, snack, play time, craft or when people walk in and out of the house tomorrow (and the next day and the next).
I know how to play with my kids. Some don’t know how to pretend and PLAY with their kids. I know how to make pretend voices and play action figures, play catch, dress a dolly up or pretend to eat a cookie that my daughter just made.
But I CAN”T do the aforementioned every day all day.
I crave completing something. When my husband gets home I find myself hurrying and changing out laundry, sweeping a floor, doing the bills or straightening the couch while he entertains the kids.
There are times when we have a super learning and fun-filled day where we go to the library, read books, do puzzles, play with plato or sensory items, play outside etc. and my kids get extra attention from mom.
Admittedly there are days when this mom needs to clean, make phone calls, organize a nook or work on this blog and therefore the kids watch more TV than they should.
I have found being a stay at home parent that I have had to find other outlets because being needed by and “playing” all day everyday makes my mind turn into mush.
You may be thinking, Nicole is so lucky to have that time with her kids. She sees them way more than her husband does and they are growing so fast, she should be enjoying every moment.
I wish I did enjoy every moment of it and the fact that I don’t gives me major MOMMY GUILT (see subsequent post about this so called guilt).
I have had to find ways of being Nicole- not just mom and let me tell you it’s a daily struggle.
It’s a balance!
I do spend 99% of my time with my kids and I am so glad that I get to, seeing as they grow up at the speed of light. (Our Emberly is already 3 going to preschool this summer and Grant is 1 wanting nothing to do anymore with being a baby).
The truth is most days my clothes are covered in snot or food from my kids. While doing a chore I find myself enthusiastically singing the theme song from Dora The Explorer or Peppa Pig because that is what I have stuck in my head these days.
More often than I would like, I get short with my kids because I end up cleaning the same mess for the umpteen time or have been over touched all day by 4 little hands.
I have had to seek outside my calling as a stay at home parent things that help me feel fulfilled.
Below I will list a few things I have started doing in the last couple of months to try to maintain my identity, feel connected to the world and maintain my happiness and sanity.
1. I have started seeing my counselor again- she helps me in so many ways but has helped me recognize that I CAN clean and organize- that is part of my personality but that I can have meaningful moments each day with my kids.
It has helped me feel like a better mom knowing that each day I set aside purposeful time and have 15 minute sessions playing blocks, throwing a ball or coloring.
Isn’t it funny that we are home with our kids all day yet at times we go to bed at night thinking did we actually spend any TIME with them today
2. Being at home all day I sometimes feel like a blob snacking all day or staying in my comfy clothes. A few times a week I try to get dolled up with my hair and make up or go to a workout class.
3. I have found a moms group called MOPS where I go to a meeting at least once a month to socialize and connect with other moms.
This group brings together moms with children of similar ages. I have loved being able to talk to other moms and frequently find myself saying “my toddler just did that same thing today!” Social media is a great way to find local groups. I would suggest on Facebook typing in the city where you live followed by MOPS to try and find a group where you live.
4. I still make time for things that I love like cleaning my house until it sparkles, writing blog posts and reading. A friend reminded me that even having my kids near me or helping me clean are teachable moments for them.
Believe me when I say that if my kids grow up to be well rounded people, who have felt loved and confident and have happy memories of home, it will be the best and most fulfilling thing I do.
However, I have found as a stay at home parent I have had to find other things that stimulate my mind and challenge me so that I can be a happy mom for my kids in the NOW.
It is a daily battle choosing to be present with my kids and on the flip side choosing to do things that help me feel whole.
Just today while my kids were outside with their dad, I chose to work on this blog post.
I love doing for my kids, I love spending these priceless moments that won’t come again. I also appreciate the momentous hugs and kisses, runs to me and excited faces I get, upon returning home from work or an outing away from the kids.
These moments make me feel wanted and needed.
Being a stay at home parent can be isolating and taxing yet so rewarding.
There are so many resources and outlets that can help you momma!
I would love to hear your experiences and likes/dislikes of being a stay at home parent or a full time working parent!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Disclaimer: Use all general, parenting and life advice contained herein at your own risk